For Her Pleasure
Looking at masturbation as a health practice and the
barriers to achieving the female orgasm.
The shame of sexual pleasure comes to us almost as naturally as our desire for sexual pleasure. As kids sitting next to our parents, we’d feign disgust when we encountered a particularly raunchy scene on the TV–a measly attempt to hide our curiosity.
I saw Titanic’s steamy car scene with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio for the first time with my mom. Groaning dramatically, I would hide my face in my hands, peeking through the gaps between my fingers when I could, trying to ignore the sensation of butterflies fluttering between my legs. No one teaches you to put on this particular facade but it’s nonetheless a result of upbringings that forced us to keep our journey of self-exploration private.
Growing up, I believed I was depraved. I understood that it was common for boys to spend hours locked in their rooms during puberty, discovering their sexuality as their bodies developed. Yet I had never heard of a girl doing such a thing. In my little brain, I was the only girl at school who had discovered the benefits of female biology (and the only one who knew that they could search videos of girls kissing on YouTube).
Despite how good it felt in the moment, I always hated myself afterward. The more I thought about sex, the more I withdrew from those around me. I was disgusted with myself–unable to bear the idea of a potentially intrusive, explicit thought occurring in the middle of a conversation with my parents or friends.
It’s not like my family was devoutly religious or I was explicitly told that masturbation was wrong–but maybe that was the problem. Perhaps the absence of any discussion regarding the topic kindled this shame. If no one was talking about it, it meant no one else was doing it.
✄
It wasn’t until I discovered online pornography that I realized other women were also capable of such lustful inclinations–although knowing what I do now, it probably wasn’t the most accurate depiction of female desire. But knowing that didn’t help settle any anxieties. To me, it meant I shared more in common with porn stars than with my peers.
Instead of bringing it up to anyone, I took on a double life. Around others, I was the normal, asexual me who exhibited no signs of having ever gone through a sexual awakening. Then at night, when tucked under my sheets, I would slip into my sexuality like it was a sweater.
During these years, I was so caught up in my guilt of self-pleasure that it never occurred to me that I could gain anything from the act. Our sex health classes only discussed the reproductive functions of vaginas–how periods work, where babies come from, or how sex works with a heterosexual partner. We were taught about male ejaculation in-depth, yet I never realized women could orgasm until I read my first not-safe-for-work story on Wattpad. Then at 16 years old, I had a real orgasm for the first time despite having been masturbating regularly for years. Without formal education, I had stumbled upon the nuances of female ejaculation through trial and error.
The Science of Masturbation
Most of the frequently advertised benefits of masturbation center around psychological health. In facilitating the release of ‘feel-good’ hormones such as endorphins, dopamine, or oxycontin, masturbation is often cited as a relief for stress or insomnia.
However, when scrolling further down to these articles’ sections that describe the individual benefits for men and women, our lists are always longer than their counterparts. These articles are essentially standardized–eachone claiming that masturbating helps men lessen the chances of prostate cancer. On the other hand, female masturbation prevents cervical infections, relieves urinary tract infections, and decreases the likelihood of heart disease and type-2 diabetes.
This information took a few seconds to find online, yet it took me–a chronic fact-checker with an addiction to Googling–two decades to find out. For so long, the revulsion I held towards my self-pleasure impeded the development of my understanding of health. My internalized shame overshadowed any curiosity or desire to learn about sex and how it could benefit me.
Despite women having more to gain out of this health practice, they report drastically lower rates of masturbation than men–a phenomenon also known as the ‘masturbation gap’. In a society teeming with wellness products and services, why are so many women passing on this no-cost, low-barrier health trend?
Why Aren’t Women Getting There?
Despite the sheer volume of sex products and services readily available to consumers in the United States, they’ve been unable to satisfy the needs of American women. The online adult content industry, for example, was valued at $977 billion in 2022. You would think that a market this large would have a wide enough range to fulfill the desires of multiple customer segments.
The capitalization of sex and masturbation is heavily male-centric. Porn has existed for as long as motion pictures have, with the first pornographic film premiering within a year of the first-ever motion picture screening. Like many preceding historical events, the adult content industry was created on the whim of two French men. Porn was created by men and is still catered to men.
✄
It’s also essential to consider biology. The female orgasms aren’t essential to reproduction. Our society’s collective development of sex has resultantly prioritized heterosexual men, ensuring that they’re guaranteed to orgasm whether alone or with a partner since semen is considered valuable to human survival. Take the healthcare industry, for example. Erectile dysfunction is covered by most American insurance plans, yet a woman would most likely be dismissed (or laughed at) by medical providers if she wanted to address her inability to orgasm. Consequent to the Industrial Revolution such as overpopulation and increased leisure time, male ejaculation has transitioned from a reproductive necessity to a recreational activity.
Male indulgence in porn is blatant. What pleasures many men today are produced at the cost of women’s well-being. The industry has exacerbated the commodification of the female body and drastically changed our understanding of sex. At the expense of reducing female bodies into objects of sexual gratification, Internet porn allows men to live out their wildest fantasies with the click of a link.
As a result, rates of male porn addiction–and thus masturbation frequency–have skyrocketed. The prevalence of the issue has led to the emergence of masturbation abstinence online communities for men. A social content analysis found that ‘semen retention’ and its related terms were the most popular searches regarding men’s health on TikTok and Instagram in 2022.
Female masturbation, however, doesn't register in any lists for top women’s health topics. Unlike their male counterparts, women don’t consider orgasms a matter of health but often rather a leisure. While male masturbation is so streamlined that they now struggle with having too many orgasms too quickly, women are struggling to achieve just one with the little time she has in her day.
The Trials and Tribulations
of a Female Orgasm
The female orgasm is comparable to a luxurious hobby like skiing. Achieving an orgasm and going skiing takes skill and time, both requiring a considerable amount of commitment. Not to mention that both experiences can require expensive equipment for optimal enjoyment. With a fluctuating sex drive, women must thoughtfully navigate through masturbation–ensuring she’s in the right mood and in a distraction-less environment with enough time alone to reach climax. A woman must take her time to get to the peak the way a skier would–both strapped in for the slow but steady ride in the hopes of attaining thrill and dopamine.
It’s no secret that our society’s impossible beauty standards have forced many women to tend to their appearance and ‘wellness’ as a full-time job. Having grown up and developed a self-care routine, masturbation has become increasingly conditional for me. The chances I’ll have an orgasm each night are based on what time I’ve finished showering, whether I’ve completed my several-step skincare regimen, and whatever else maintenance my body needs that day. That’s, of course, after I fulfill my human responsibilities of doing well in school and putting in enough hours at work to ensure I’m not too stressed to orgasm (the fear of failing an exam is quite the mood-killer).
Perhaps we must consider that most women not being “interested” in masturbation has more to do with the burden of everyday life rather than low sex drive.
Breaking the (Sex) Glass Ceiling
Masturbation is an accessible health practice that can improve the quality of women’s lives in several ways. But it’s a practice riddled with barriers–whether it’s internal shame or just not having the means to masturbate. It’s simply more convenient for many women to not masturbate at all.
Men are given a portfolio of tools to achieve orgasms–despite no indication that they had difficulty in that department. Women, however, are not given the same degree of consideration. While the world has catered to men’s lustful desires in every shape and form, a woman’s journey to an orgasm is one they must take alone (that's if she has the time, of course). Without the ability to freely speak about their personal, intimate experiences without judgment, science’s understanding of female masturbation is hindered by shame.
Women are constantly spending money to better their health, whether it be workout classes, skincare products, or herbal supplements. Yet they are discouraged from exploring this no-cost health solution. This information is shielded behind shame, only accessible to those with the means and willingness to leave their comfort zone. As a result of biology and misogyny, masturbation is just not accessible to women. Where men are given fast passes to orgasms, women must go through hurdles to achieve a fraction of that pleasure.
The world must eventually meet women in the middle and dismantle the social barriers to female sex education–giving ourselves the same grace men are granted. We’re at a point where neither male nor female orgasms are essential to our species' survival, yet one is still considered more important than the other. Everyone deserves to enjoy an orgasm and its health benefits no matter its reproductive purpose.